A Mother's Love.

A blog about the love I have in my heart for my two daughters and the desire I have to add to my family again. Lilly Anna here with me on Earth born October 27, 2006 and Daisy Arabella whom I lost to Trisomy 13 or 18 when she was stillborn at 36 weeks and 3 days on January 26, 2009.

Sunday, August 8, 2010

A year of ttc

I am trying to be okay, but emotionally I am not feeling so great. I told myself I wouldn't be sad if we had another negative month, but is that even possible to ask that of myself? This was our second month on Clomid. I just knew I'd be pregnant again by now. It has been over a year and half since I gave birth to Daisy now and we have been trying to get pregnant again since August of 2009 so now we have been trying a whole year. I never thought my womb would still be empty at this point and it is something that I want again so bad! I have gotten pregnant and carried 2 babies almost to term both times. Why is not happening now? I know everyone says God is in control and I know He is. But, He knows the desires of my heart too right? I am trying to be patient, but it isn't always easy. Clomid has been a very rough drug for me to take. I am emotionally, physically, and mentally not me while on it. I am a wreck. I think we are going to try it one more month and then I have to have a month off of it trying. I just don't know how long I can continue putting myself through the side effects I have on this medicine. I don't know what other options I have, but I am thinking about asking my dr. Thank you all for your prayers. I am ready and waiting. I wanted to be pregnant again by Daisy's first birthday so badly and now I just want to be pregnant again by her second and I am realizing that may not happen. So, why put the pressure on myself? I cannot help it.


  1. Amber, I can't even imagine what you are going through. I do think you should ask your doctor what else can be done. I am praying for you.

  2. Thank you Mary. We are going to try Clomid again this mth. and then have to decide whether to try it again for a few mths. or to see a fertility specialist. I am feeling much better about it today. It always takes me a day or two to get over it and then I am ready for the new mth. of ttc.

  3. I am so sorry Amber. TTC is so draining emotionally, phsyically, and spiritually. I know in my heart your rainbow baby will come, I am just so sorry you have to wait. Keeping you in my prayers.


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