Sunday, August 8, 2010
I am trying to be okay, but emotionally I am not feeling so great. I told myself I wouldn't be sad if we had another negative month, but is that even possible to ask that of myself? This was our second month on Clomid. I just knew I'd be pregnant again by now. It has been over a year and half since I gave birth to Daisy now and we have been trying to get pregnant again since August of 2009 so now we have been trying a whole year. I never thought my womb would still be empty at this point and it is something that I want again so bad! I have gotten pregnant and carried 2 babies almost to term both times. Why is not happening now? I know everyone says God is in control and I know He is. But, He knows the desires of my heart too right? I am trying to be patient, but it isn't always easy. Clomid has been a very rough drug for me to take. I am emotionally, physically, and mentally not me while on it. I am a wreck. I think we are going to try it one more month and then I have to have a month off of it trying. I just don't know how long I can continue putting myself through the side effects I have on this medicine. I don't know what other options I have, but I am thinking about asking my dr. Thank you all for your prayers. I am ready and waiting. I wanted to be pregnant again by Daisy's first birthday so badly and now I just want to be pregnant again by her second and I am realizing that may not happen. So, why put the pressure on myself? I cannot help it.