Thursday, October 21, 2010
So we have tried 4 mths. of the Clomid now and last mth. I was running up and down the road to the Fertility Dr. every other day! As hard as it was to decide I needed a break that is what I had to do. We have only 2 more mths. of the Clomid left that we can take and I just wanted to see if maybe I can ovulate on my own before we use all of our mths. up and I keep putting my body through this. Not to mention the emotional side effects of it all. So, many people are expecting right now and in the technology based world we live in I know of people who are pregnant that I otherwise would not have even known about. I am happy for all of them, but it is still oh so hard when you feel like the one thing you want you simply cannot have. And it seems to come so easy to so many. This missing piece of my healing process seems to be hanging in the wind and I am hanging on by a thread most days. I have many friends who have experienced losses as I have and we were a great support system for one another when we were all trying to conceive. Now that most all of them are expecting again and I am still waiting makes it hard. I cannot believe that January will be 2 years since I delivered my angel baby at 36 weeks gestation. I miss her so bad! I want to give my daughter that sibiling that she desires so badly. She will be 4 yrs. old next Wednesday. Boy how times does fly. I hope all of our dreams come true soon. I know I can't "help it" but I feel each mth. that passes I not only am let down but I let Cayce and Lilly Anna down. Not true; I know but it's there in my mind nonetheless. So, until I decide otherwise we are still trying but not like we were. We are taking as many drug free mths. as I need. I am not giving up, but I am trying to change my focus...for now.