A Mother's Love.

A blog about the love I have in my heart for my two daughters and the desire I have to add to my family again. Lilly Anna here with me on Earth born October 27, 2006 and Daisy Arabella whom I lost to Trisomy 13 or 18 when she was stillborn at 36 weeks and 3 days on January 26, 2009.

Friday, February 19, 2010

By the Grace of God

I haven't written as much as I had planned to when I first began this blog. I am happy to say that since getting past the one year anniversary of Daisy's birth I have a sense of relief all around me. I don't know if you can understand that if you haven't gone through it. I dreaded that day with every fiber of my being. But, guess what? I made it through it and came out stronger than ever on the other side of it.

I half way expected to fall apart the day after, because I didn't fall apart on her birthday. By God's grace I didn't. I am really happy for the first time in a long time. I had a rough two years or so.

Cayce and I went through a rough patch while I was newly pregnant with Daisy and then I found out about her condition. The next months of carrying her and working out my relationship with my husband were some very trying months. Cayce and I were and are stronger than ever after dealing with the death of our child together. But, the year after her birth and death was a bad year for me. I lost my best friend while dealing with the loss of my baby. Then, it seemed that every other girl friend I had was either pregnant, had just had a baby or was trying to conceive. It killed me inside. Since I am being honest here. ;) I had friends and made friends last year who lost babies or had lost babies. With each new story of a mother losing her child my heart broke. I remembered all of those fresh raw emotions and I went through them again in a way.

I have grown as a woman, mother, wife and friend over the last year. When I finally stopped looking for a "new best friend" God sent me an amazing girl friend with whom I have a lot in common. She was just who I needed/need in my life at this point in time. Remember that God doesn't always bless you the way you expect or want Him to. But, He knows best and I trust Him fully.

I started the Metformin as most of you know. I went up to twice a day yesterday, but I have some GREAT news! I got my first positive Ovulation Predictor Kit (OPK) last Thursday Feb. 11th. I was thrilled. Although I WAS disappointed because my husband had just left for 3 nights! I thought "Just my luck", but honestly I was too happy that I ovulated or was going to to be upset. There is still a possibility although I believe it is slim. I should know by Feb. 24th-26th.

I really believe changing my diet along with the meds. has helped to begin ovulating again. I could think "Why didn't I do this sooner?" but to be honest I believe it didn't happen because it wasn't the right time. It has taken me quite awhile to get this point of being okay with when it happens it happens. Everyone tells you to relax and it'll happen when you least expect. You think "OKAY YEAH!". It isn't that simple. God has given me this peace and maybe next month will be our month. If not, at least I know my body is getting back on track.

I weighed a few days ago and I had lost 9 lbs. on the first 2 weeks of the diet. I am only weighing once a week now. The weight loss slows after the first 2 weeks and I didn't want to get discouraged so I don't weigh as often. I know it is working. I can tell through my belly most.

So, I have more great news! A blessing that is heaven sent! I have had a small salon in my hometown for 2 years now. I have enjoyed it. I currently only work about 2 days a week and I am able to stay at home with my daughter. My dream has always been to open a boutique one day. Real hip; you know? Then, I got my cosmetology degree and decided that a Salon/Boutique would be amazing! I always visit local boutiques when we go on vacation anywhere and I am so inspired! Long story short, I noticed that the people in a local business on Main Street were moving out the first weekend in Feb. I had looked at the building a few years ago, but it was already spoken for. I found out who owned it and made a call. I begin working on it Feb 16th in the dark and cold with no electricity. I was THAT excited! I should be moved in by March 1st. I have a little bit of time to do a WHOLE lot of work!

It came at just the right time. A month earlier or later and we would not have been able to do it financially. That is how I know it was sent straight from God and in His plan. I am not stressed, because of that. I am still doing hair at my little shop while I get Amber's Hair Salon & Boutique ready to open very soon! If God is for me then who can be against me.

So, I will be out working more and loving every minute of it! The best part is Lilly can go with me and Cayce can get her when he gets home from work. Plus, my wonderful mother-in-law keeps her on Thursday evenings and on Friday for me. While Cayce keeps her on Saturday mornings. If I had been expecting again already; like I had wanted, then I wouldn't be opening up this new shop now. That's how I know God has a plan. It just took some time for it to unfold. I had to trust Him. I never stopped loving Him, but sometime it is hard to trust.

I hope you can begin trusting God today with your life if you haven't been doing so fully lately. Have a blessed day, Amber

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