I miss you.

Missing my Daisy tonight. Ready to see those 2 pink lines and feel those little belly flutters again.

Spread the love.

I saw this blogspot on a friend's Facebook page and I decided to share a text message I sent to my Grandmother on May 17th.

In my eyes you are an angel.

You have taught me what it's like to love with your whole heart.

You have taught me what it is like to put others before yourself.

You have shown me what the perfect example of a loving wife, mother, and Grandmother is.

You have a beautiful heart.

I admire you and I strive to live my life as you have lived your's.

I find you inspiring and I often tell Lilly (my daughter) and Cayce (my husband)that I think you hung the moon.

I love you so much!

I didn't ever really get a chance to write in your Mother's Day card, but this is what it would have said.

Much much love, Amber

Until then...

Doesn't know where to start...

I have been happy, truly happy the last few months. I love my new job. I know how blessed I am to have this oppurtunity and new space. But, I am feeling rather "blah" the last few days to a week. I am hoping it is just this cold or allergies that I am batteling. I am so congested. That makes for feeling bad. But, I feel a little disconnected. Disconnected from everyone really.

Enough about that... So we didn't conceive in March or April but my cycles have gotten shorter and are getting more on track. I was looking for ovulation later in my cycle in April and it happened earlier. So, we will keep on keeping on. I am really ok with it. It is still hard sometimes to see people/friends with their baby bumps or their new baby or toddler that would be Daisy's age. I cannot believe she'd be a year and 3 months old already! Time has certainly helped to heal that wound, but my heart still aches. I still want to fill that nursery in the back of the house. I want to hold and to feed and kiss my baby again. When the time comes we will be over the moon happy to see a positive pregnancy test and to hear that heartbeat again. :)Until then I try to stay patient and wait.

Mother's Day is this coming Sunday. We will be going to my Grandmother's to have lunch and I look forward to going to see Daisy and to take her the sleeping baby angel statue that I bought. I love it. The baby is so peaceful and perfect. She was born after she had already gone to heaven. That seems so backwards. But, I like knowing she went peacefully. I believe she never hurt. One day Jesus we will see her again. What a glorious day that will be. Until then, we live our lives serving the Lord and taking care of our other child/ren the best we can.

On another note...I have lost 30 lbs. since I began my weightloss journey in Feb. =) Let Summer bring it on! LOL I am so ready to take Lilly to the beach. She loves it as much as I do!

Growing daisies.

I haven't written lately. I have been soooooo busy! Which has been great for me emotionally and physically. I have lost 23 lbs. since I began my weight loss journey almost 7 weeks ago. I am very happy about that. That combined with the Metformin has done the trick and I have had positive OPK's (ovulation predictor tests) 2 months in a row. I have a really good feeling about this month. The test line was actually darker than the control line for the first time! I only tested once and that was enough! If this isn't our month I am okay with that. We are just living life and loving it right now. I miss the baby I thought I should have, but I no longer wear the pain and heart break on my sleeve like I once did. I am moving on. Everyone deals with thinkgs differently and in their own time. I will never forget her or the way she changed me though.

Our 7th wedding anniversary is coming up on the 27th. The day my cycle would be due. Maybe we will get the best anniversary surprise/present ever! More to come on this subject for sure...

My new Salon & Boutique has been open for 2 weeks now & I have done better than I ever expected to do. I have had my moments of doubt during the process. It has all gone by in a whirlwind, because it was spur of the moment and unplanned. It was/is a God thing. I pray my business continues to grow and prosper.

The possibility of being pregnant while just beginning this business journey seems a little daunting. But, we are trusting God to give us a baby when the time is right. He hasn't let us down yet. ;) This is our 8th month of "trying" so we don't want to begin preventing it at this point. We will be over the moon when it happens.

I have made a few awesome new friends within the last few months/weeks and I am finally "growing into my own". I am more comfortable in my own skin and relaxed than I have ever been. If you don't love yourself, then how can anyone else love you? I am loving life. I am looking forward to the Spring weather that is coming in. I am ready to be able to get outside more and enjoy the sunshine. Maybe grow some daisies!

Have a great weekend everyone!

One year and one month ago...

So, here it Feb. 26th. It has been one year and one month since Daisy's sleeping body was born into this Earth. We did not conceive this month. But, with everything positive going on in my life right now I am not dwelling on it. I finally feel okay with it for the first time after more than 6 months of trying and being let down. It will happen when it is time. I admit I didn't always have that outlook and I admit it could change at any time.

I steadily am working on the new location for my salon and boutique. It is a dream come true for me! I am putting a lot of "me" into this shop. I am enjoying being so creative and not holding back as I did with my current location. The doors on the new place are bright pink and I love it! Pink, black and white with a little khaki thrown in are my colors. I am doing leopard and zebra print and it is going to be modern, sexy, and FABULOUS!

I am still operating out of my current location today and tomorrow. We hope to get the floors and owning done this weekend and then get my things moved in. I will do my first clients on Main Street in one week! I can't wait!

Now, for a little about my Lilly. She will be going to work with me 2 days a week for a few hours. I have to get her room at the shop all done up. She is so good! I was blessed with a great daughter. She can play by herself and usually minds very well. =)

She is growing like a weed! The pants and long sleeve shirts that I bought her in the fall are all way to short now. We are ready for Spring so we can break out the new clothes and don't have to buy new Winter things.

That's all I have for now. I pray everyone has a great weekend!

By the Grace of God

I haven't written as much as I had planned to when I first began this blog. I am happy to say that since getting past the one year anniversary of Daisy's birth I have a sense of relief all around me. I don't know if you can understand that if you haven't gone through it. I dreaded that day with every fiber of my being. But, guess what? I made it through it and came out stronger than ever on the other side of it.

I half way expected to fall apart the day after, because I didn't fall apart on her birthday. By God's grace I didn't. I am really happy for the first time in a long time. I had a rough two years or so.

Cayce and I went through a rough patch while I was newly pregnant with Daisy and then I found out about her condition. The next months of carrying her and working out my relationship with my husband were some very trying months. Cayce and I were and are stronger than ever after dealing with the death of our child together. But, the year after her birth and death was a bad year for me. I lost my best friend while dealing with the loss of my baby. Then, it seemed that every other girl friend I had was either pregnant, had just had a baby or was trying to conceive. It killed me inside. Since I am being honest here. ;) I had friends and made friends last year who lost babies or had lost babies. With each new story of a mother losing her child my heart broke. I remembered all of those fresh raw emotions and I went through them again in a way.

I have grown as a woman, mother, wife and friend over the last year. When I finally stopped looking for a "new best friend" God sent me an amazing girl friend with whom I have a lot in common. She was just who I needed/need in my life at this point in time. Remember that God doesn't always bless you the way you expect or want Him to. But, He knows best and I trust Him fully.

I started the Metformin as most of you know. I went up to twice a day yesterday, but I have some GREAT news! I got my first positive Ovulation Predictor Kit (OPK) last Thursday Feb. 11th. I was thrilled. Although I WAS disappointed because my husband had just left for 3 nights! I thought "Just my luck", but honestly I was too happy that I ovulated or was going to to be upset. There is still a possibility although I believe it is slim. I should know by Feb. 24th-26th.

I really believe changing my diet along with the meds. has helped to begin ovulating again. I could think "Why didn't I do this sooner?" but to be honest I believe it didn't happen because it wasn't the right time. It has taken me quite awhile to get this point of being okay with when it happens it happens. Everyone tells you to relax and it'll happen when you least expect. You think "OKAY YEAH!". It isn't that simple. God has given me this peace and maybe next month will be our month. If not, at least I know my body is getting back on track.

I weighed a few days ago and I had lost 9 lbs. on the first 2 weeks of the diet. I am only weighing once a week now. The weight loss slows after the first 2 weeks and I didn't want to get discouraged so I don't weigh as often. I know it is working. I can tell through my belly most.

So, I have more great news! A blessing that is heaven sent! I have had a small salon in my hometown for 2 years now. I have enjoyed it. I currently only work about 2 days a week and I am able to stay at home with my daughter. My dream has always been to open a boutique one day. Real hip; you know? Then, I got my cosmetology degree and decided that a Salon/Boutique would be amazing! I always visit local boutiques when we go on vacation anywhere and I am so inspired! Long story short, I noticed that the people in a local business on Main Street were moving out the first weekend in Feb. I had looked at the building a few years ago, but it was already spoken for. I found out who owned it and made a call. I begin working on it Feb 16th in the dark and cold with no electricity. I was THAT excited! I should be moved in by March 1st. I have a little bit of time to do a WHOLE lot of work!

It came at just the right time. A month earlier or later and we would not have been able to do it financially. That is how I know it was sent straight from God and in His plan. I am not stressed, because of that. I am still doing hair at my little shop while I get Amber's Hair Salon & Boutique ready to open very soon! If God is for me then who can be against me.

So, I will be out working more and loving every minute of it! The best part is Lilly can go with me and Cayce can get her when he gets home from work. Plus, my wonderful mother-in-law keeps her on Thursday evenings and on Friday for me. While Cayce keeps her on Saturday mornings. If I had been expecting again already; like I had wanted, then I wouldn't be opening up this new shop now. That's how I know God has a plan. It just took some time for it to unfold. I had to trust Him. I never stopped loving Him, but sometime it is hard to trust.

I hope you can begin trusting God today with your life if you haven't been doing so fully lately. Have a blessed day, Amber

I have been super busy.

I know I need to post a new blog soon. I have been super busy the last week! I have some great news to share, but not just yet. I did begin taking the Met. last Thursday. My glucose levels and thyroid were perfect, but my insulin resistance was on the high side. ( Another marker for PCOS) So, I guess I have been diagnosed with it at this point. I pray the Metformin starts doing it's job soon. It seems to be helping already. Along with the diet I am doing. I have lost 7lbs. so far. So, I am getting ready for whatever God may have in store for me. I want to be as healthy as possible for this journey called life.

To be continued....